Waymo. It’s Google’s answer to Uber and they’re quite common now in Phoenix. Distinguishable by the whirring camera on the roof and the ghostly appearance of no one at the wheel, I saw three of them during the week.
There is seriously no-one controlling the vehicle. It’s fully autonomous. More sensitive than a teenager experiencing PMS for the first time, these things must cost a MINT (actually, the former CEO of Waymo estimated the Waymo cars cost in the range of $150K, per Motor Trend Magazine). You can, however, call someone for help if you run into trouble, literally or figuratively.
Initially my response was ohhhhh hell no…. When monkeys fly outta my ass.
But then… my sense of the ridiculous got the better of me. That and it’s like internet banking… you might not like it, you don’t have to participate, but it’s going to affect you regardless. Your info is just as vulnerable as anyone else’s to a major hack, regardless of whether you use the phone app or not to access your cash. Similarly, you don’t have to be in the car to be affected if something goes haywire.
Flying monkeys, release!
Getting back to the airport, I’d intended to take an Uber early Friday morning… but Waymo was competitive. It did warn of surge pricing, much like Uber, early in the morning on Fridays & Saturdays. Well, what the heck, let’s give it a shot.
Leaving my hotel room… what the hell? I’m in Phoenix and there was NO rain in the forecast. However, the travel gods, per usual, laughed.
Okay, I’m still gonna try it. I know people in the southwest get stupid in the rain, but this thing isn’t a person, right? Surely this is safer…
When I ordered the car, they suggested I walk away from the hotel and across the street. If you’ve spent any time in AZ’s capital, you’ll know… crossing most streets involves power walking and a minimum of 1,000 steps. Those streets were designed to allow multi-horse carriages to swing a U-ie with room to spare and it freakin’ shows. They’re huge.
So… no. I’m not crossing the damn street in the rain. I plonked the button to redirect the pickup spot and I’m telling you, it pleaded with me… “no, seriously, just run across the street!”
Uh… no. I again requested a pickup in front of the hotel.
Who knew an app could sulk? It rerouted the car to drive around the hotel (the blocks aren’t small here, either…) adding several minutes to pickup.
Whatever. I made sure I had time to burn, so I was cool with the wait… especially once I was standing under the overhang at the hotel’s entrance. Nice and dry, that’s me.
I should’a realized, a driverless car is likely not going to ensure it stops under the covered walkway.
I also should’a realized it’s not going to respond to mad waving or cussing. Instead, it just rolls over to where it thinks it should park. Shit.
There’s no-one there to help you load your bags, obviously, so I popped the trunk myself and heaved the suitcase in. It’s a small Jaguar, so it had the push-button close on the hatchback.
And got in. Hesitantly.
Someone had shoved the driver’s seat as far forward as possible, both on the tracks and the seat back. Even the Hunchback of Notre Dame would’a had to be a contortionist to drive this little robot on wheels.
Which also made me hesitate… I mean, who needs THAT much room in the back seat? What were they doing bac… ooooh.
Oh, gawd. Checked over the leather seats for any nasty evidence of a violation of decency laws. Nope, looked clean, maybe Kareem Abdul Jabbar last rode in this tin can, needing the extra leg room.
Although, remembering his reputation in the 1980s…
In case you’re curious, Waymo says if you make “a mess (for example, vomit) in the car” it’s $50 if you self-report (call the assistance) and $100 if not.
Personally I think that’s wildly underpriced.
Attempting to shut down my brain, I got the seatbelt while the Uber-equivalent of a pre-departure airplane video rolled on the two screens (one in the front, one in the back).
The car started moving and watching the steering wheel move independently was seriously weird. I also found it disturbing the windshield wipers stayed off despite the continuing rain… but of course, that’s not how the car “sees”. Still didn’t feel right at all.
Tried taking more pictures, but they didn’t turn out well. I mostly relaxed after a few minutes, except when the car decided to turn right on a red and kept edging out into the intersection – despite the oncoming traffic.
Also had a couple of bad minutes when it needed to turn left across the light rail tracks. Fortunately it had the good sense to give the train the right of way.
The cars don’t appear to go into the airport – probably a good thing given the congestion. Instead, they’ll drop you off at the SkyTrain terminal at 44th St and you ride the free train into the airport. It takes a few extra minutes, but to avoid the traffic by the terminals, I’m happy to make that trip.
All in all, it cost me $18.25 with no tip (who would I tip? And I hefted my own bags.) Uber would have been $33 plus tip, and getting from the airport to the hotel Monday afternoon (the Monday after Thanksgiving) cost me and a coworker $65 thanks to surge pricing.
Examining Misadventures 