Who knew New Zealand was so damn hilly??

I swear I’m beefing up my thigh muscles (not a bad thing, really) with all the ups and downs we’re doing.

We decided to go up to the top of Maungawhau (Mount Eden), the highest point in Auckland and a volcano dormant 28,000 years, give or take a decade or two.

Somehow, my brain didn’t correlate “highest point” to “bloody great climb”. Instead, my subconscious came up with the idea the bus would get us most of the way up then we’d have a short stroll to the summit.

As usual, my subconscious is a bit of an idiot.

So off we went to hop on the bus. Number 64, not too far from the flat, bit of a walk, okay. Arrives every 20 minutes. Right.

Mmmm. The handy-dandy app says the bus is a bit delayed. No worries.

A couple of orange outer-ring busses came waddling past, but no 64. Rats.

The next orange bus, we decided perhaps that might get us where we’re going. In my usual outgoing way, I hopped on and inquired of the driver as to whether he went past Mt. Eden (because if you can pronounce Maungawhau without sounding like you’re going down a greased slide at high velocity, you’re a better person than I am).

The guy in a vest standing next to the driver should’a given me a clue. It would appear the driver was in training.

The driver nodded, so we went and sat in our seats.

A short while later, the instructor came back to us and asked, in a thick accent, if we were going to the volcano.

Looked at him with one eyebrow raised. Wasn’t that what we said?

Yesssssss…

“You need to get off at next stop, then walk up hill.”

Huh?

What I didn’t realize at the time is Mount Eden is a neighborhood as well as the name of the volcano. All the locals can pronounce it’s Māori name, so that’s what they use. We’re tourists… so we didn’t. The driver was quite right… he was going to Mount Eden. Just… not the one we wanted.

Unnnngh. Okay.

Beloved checked her Google Map (my phone does not work because I planned to get a SIM card upon arrival at Auckland International, as she did. My phone, however, is an iPhone 13 and doesn’t have a SIM slot. E-SIM only, dammit, procurable only in the US) and discovered it was a half-mile.

My eyes narrowed.

“Half mile to what? The summit or the entrance to the park?”

She hesitated. I groaned, closed my eyes, then opened them… to view the arse end of a 64 bus trundling up the hill, having just passed us.

One thing about Beloved, she puts up with a LOT. I know this might shock you, but I get a wee bit cranky pants at times.

After much muttering and kvetching, we resumed the climb up the hill, when we stumbled upon… a bus stop! Voila!

“When’s the next bus?” I deman… uh, inquired.

She looked at me askance. “Like I’m psychic?”

I spied a sign on the bus stop with a QR code. “Hey, I bet if you scanned the code it would tell you!”

“I don’t think so… this code isn’t registering…”

“Here, lemme try…” I took the phone from her, focused on the sign and registered the sound of an engine roaring past us…

“STOP! STOOOOOOOOP! I want on! Stop… oh, f…”

Another arse end of a 64.

Of course, the first one being delayed, and this one on time, there’s no 64s gonna come past for a while. F….

So we walked. Hot dam, that is stinking steep going up to the top. And of course, the bus only takes you to the entrance – only the disabled are allowed to drive up to the top.

Healthy bunch, these Kiwis. Very inclusive and very healthy.

The view was amazing, though.