F😳ck off! Screamed the prairie dog.

I jumped a foot and uttered a curse word. I mean, I wasn’t prepared for that kind of reaction outta that cute little rolypoly creature. Given he was tubby and nicely groomed (didn’t appear to have fleas), it was a bit of a shocker. It all started when I decided I wanted to visit “Robert’s … Continue reading F😳ck off! Screamed the prairie dog.

I do not LIKE the Cone of Shame, said the dog, miserably.

It all started when Guide Dogs of America decided she would not be part of the breeder program. Cat: well, there’s a shocker. Me: don’t be meanies. Dog: I don’t understand Cat: Exactly. Dog: What? So last Tuesday, Miss M went under the knife. With great kindness, they asked we bring her to the facility … Continue reading I do not LIKE the Cone of Shame, said the dog, miserably.

Oh, my GOD, said the cat. You STINK!

Dog: what you mean Cat, recoiling: you smell horrendous. I mean, not that you don’t on an average day, but crap on a cracker, you are appalling. Dog: I got chased by water it was grubby Cat: Maaaan, I knew you were dim, but chased by WATER?! Maybe the walking can opener tried to shoot … Continue reading Oh, my GOD, said the cat. You STINK!

The cat stared, wide eyed and in shock.

Cat: what the f😳ck is THAT?!! Me:  what does it look like? Dog, pacing in her crate upstairs to the extent it will allow: I can’t see I can’t see Cat:  you did NOT.  Dog: What? WHAT The 11 week old golden retriever shifted a little in my arms, unaccustomed to this new place.  Our little visitor… … Continue reading The cat stared, wide eyed and in shock.

“What on earth is the matter with the dog?” my mother asked, concerned.

I leaned over her, a bit worried. I looked over at the dog, now flat on her belly with her paws over her nose. She wasn’t scratching at the Halti (the halter which covers the bridge of her nose and encourages good behavior - if she jumps or makes a hard turn, it pinches a … Continue reading “What on earth is the matter with the dog?” my mother asked, concerned.

Can I have two aspirin? Moaned the dog, And a heating pad?

Me: Puppy? What’s wrong? Dog: I feel like hell. We’d noticed the dog was not her usual self on Sunday - she was flat out and kinda mopey. I’d thought it was because she’d had an awesome play date Saturday with another dog, but no… Cat, as usual going from calm to hysterical in seconds: … Continue reading Can I have two aspirin? Moaned the dog, And a heating pad?

I need to tell you something, I said.

Blondie:  What?  I’m kind of working here.  Why aren’t you on your way home? Me:  We were… I mean, we are.  We’ve loved spending the past few days with you and BB (Blondie's Beau), but I need to tell you what I sprung on him at the last minute. Blondie:  Oh, god. Let me back … Continue reading I need to tell you something, I said.

Fire! Screamed the dog. The building’s on fire!!

No, it’s not, I said. Yes it is, shouted the hound. We gotta get OUT of here!! Puppy… we’re in church. It’s Easter. That’s incense, not smoke, and while I agree it’s smelly, nothing’s going to hurt us. She was still uncomfortable with the idea so halfway through the first hymn we exited the building. … Continue reading Fire! Screamed the dog. The building’s on fire!!

“Hell…” said the dog, as she climbed into bed…

That’s actually apropos of nothing, but my mother said that’s the kind of book that would grab my aunt’s attention and cause her to read it. She evidently likes intriguing starts. So Beloved wasn’t completely enthusiastic about my latest musical endeavor (I tend to make up songs, and what I lack in artistic ability I … Continue reading “Hell…” said the dog, as she climbed into bed…

I’m hungry, whined the dog. And I gotta pee.

I raise my head off the pillow and looked over at Beloved. “It’s 38° out there,” I said, “I really don’t wanna go outside.” “I don’t.” she said. What?  “I don’t go outside. I open the door and let her out.” “Excuse me,” I said “What do you mean?  We have to take her out … Continue reading I’m hungry, whined the dog. And I gotta pee.