Me: Oi! What’re you doing?
R___ had her snout in the volunteer tomato bush in the back yard.
Actually not just her snooty, her whole head. I planted tomatoes last year and had a pretty decent crop, but dammit, nothing sprouted where they were planted before (sounds like I erred in dumping bags of potting soil and planting in them, as tomatoes suck the living daylight outta potting soil… who knew?) which was in a part of the garden the dog can’t get to.
However, apparently two of the plants got together and did the nasty so now instead of my gourmet heritage ‘matoes, I have something that resembles Sweet Cherry 100s growing on a path that edges the lawn.
In other words, little red tomatoes. The kind you buy from the supermarket.
And… it’s growing on the edge of the pathway just above the lawn. In other words, right at the height of a lab’s honker.
R____: tasty just not the green ones
Me: get off you miserable hound!
R___: what why you pull me away
Me: don’t eat the damn tomatoes!
MaeMae, smirking: you know they’re a member of the nightshade family, right?
Beloved, whipping out her cellphone: aw, shit
R___: tasty no way is something tasty no good for me
MaeMae: …said the direct relation of poop eaters.
R___, puzzled: you eat poop
MaeMae, annoyed: not me, ding dong, dogs eat it!
R____: you confused I no eat poop that’s nasty you eat poopys.
MaeMae: you’re eating nightshade
R___: okay better than poop
Beloved: ripe tomatoes are not poisonous for dogs
R___: told you
MaeMae, squinting her eyes: have a nibble of the plant
Me: please don’t and shut up, MaeMae
Beloved/R___: why
Me, sighing: because… it’s… not good for you
MaeMae, smirking: why?
Me: Shut up MaeMae. Tomatoes have a small amount of atropine in their stems and leaves… not a good idea for puppies.
MaeMae: and solanine and other poisons… found in… the… hmmm. I forget which type of plant has these deadly poisons. I bet Emperor Caesar would know… but he’s dead. What killed him? What do they call it? Oh yeah… deadly nightshade…
The dog’s eyes bulged.
I sighed. Again.
R____: I going to die
Me: NO! Deadly nightshade is belladonna, NOT tomatoes! The two are similar like you and MaeMae are similar. You’re both carnivores which are the same Order, but you’re totally different.
R___: I no want to die
Me: (MaeMae, I’m going to kill you) Honey, you’re not gonna die. Tomatoes are not a good thing for you to eat – human food is not for you – but tomatoes aren’t poisonous. Just don’t eat the plant. Don’t eat any of it. We’re gonna put up a fence so you can’t get to it and be tempted.
R___: I similar to MaeMae
MaeMae: well, we both have legs. Brains, that’s another matter…
R___: We related
Fortunately R___ respects fences, so it’ll only be a matter of a short, shove it in the grass kind of fence, and it’s too hot at present for her to be out wandering the yard at the moment anyway.
However, with the heat, she’s not able to go outside for more than a quick piddle.
R___: MaeMae come back you my cousin you have to play with me
I didn’t think cats were able to raise one digit, but she managed it while walking away.
Examining Misadventures 