It's called "I Love You (but You're a Pain in the Ass)". I sang it to the dog while I got ready for work. You'll never guess why. As Beloved and the Boy can attest, I make up little ditties and sing them ad nauseum until everyone starts throwing things at my head. Most fall … Continue reading I wrote a song this morning…
Perched on the throne, I said, “oh, GOD, more ants!” The dog went over to investigate, huffing out breath to get a better scent. I suddenly heard, in a very high voice, “What th’ f😳ck?!!” Ant: How the hell did I wind up here?? Dog: where you go Me: Stop blowing the damn insects around. … Continue reading Something Moved! Barked the dog.
Beloved and I took a kayaking safety class - how to deal with tipping over, salvaging your kayak, helping someone else in, getting in by yourself, etc. Held in Redondo Beach harbor, I was amazed at the clarity of the water. I was comforted by the reviewer of the REI class who said the instructor … Continue reading I used muscles I haven’t used in decades. If ever.
Me: Oi! What’re you doing? R___ had her snout in the volunteer tomato bush in the back yard. Actually not just her snooty, her whole head. I planted tomatoes last year and had a pretty decent crop, but dammit, nothing sprouted where they were planted before (sounds like I erred in dumping bags of potting … Continue reading “Om nom nom” said the dog.
Puppy: It’s Pride Sunday Me: Yep, it is! Puppy: And I am PROUD MaeMae the cat, raising one eyebrow: Proud like an… ally…? Puppy: Whut you talking about there’s a lot of us PUPs Proud Union Puppies There’s me and and P____ and and I forget her name I think it’s a girly dog we’re … Continue reading The dog beamed with pride…
Me: She didn’t. She went to see her niece graduate from vet school. She’s going to be a puppy doctor and we’re very proud of her. Dog: Mommy’s gonna be a puppy doctor MaeMae (cat): no, ding dong. Her niece is a veterinarian. When would the stay at home can opener have time for vet … Continue reading Why she abandon me moaned the dog.
Me: But then where does R___ sleep when she gets home? The puppy needs a crate. MaeMae (cat): I’m sorry… get… home? Me: C’mon, you know she’s coming back. She’ll be with us until February, when she goes to college. MaeMae: Why the hell would you take her back? Me: Excuse me? She’s in heat, … Continue reading You know, remarked the cat, if you get rid of those crates you’ll have more room in the house.
To enable our guide-dog-in-training puppies to experience different situations, our leaders coordinate a puppy swap. R___ is off next week to a lovely couple, and their puppy is going elsewhere. They also have a “career change” dog who decided not to be a service dog and let them know it. He is now their pet. … Continue reading The great puppy swap is coming!
What a hideous time to start traveling. You can hardly keep your eyes open, waiting to board that damn airplane. Boarding time, 5:25 am, came and went. Finally, the gate agents admitted the interior emergency lights weren’t working. Unnngh, it’s a 6am flight from LAX - Chicago… if there’s an emergency, how much light do … Continue reading It all started at 4:30 am at LAX.
Me: what? Cat: I thought she was supposed to chew dental sticks. That ding dong thinks it’s a popsicle. Me: no, she’s not. I glance at the dog, who appears fascinated with the living room carpet. Me: oi! Doggo! Don’t lick the carpet! (Snurfling, snorting sounds from the side of the sofa…) Licking rapidly turned … Continue reading “She’s licking it,” said the cat.
Examining Misadventures 