A Dog’s Litter Box

A9515459-BC33-4D00-A33D-DA102D8D7F29I don’t know about you all, but seriously, Abby loathes the rain.  And personally, I’m no great fan of following the damn hound as she alternatively careens around the garden and slowly shuffles through the mud as I try to cover both she and I with an outsized umbrella while she contemplates the perfect spot to do her business.
But recently, I happened upon a product…overpriced (wildly) but intriguing… a dog’s litter box.  For a mere twenty five smackers (plus tax, shipping and handling), your pampered pooch can piddle protected from puddles and pounding precipitation on your porch.
You, yes, you, can provide your hound with a verdant expanse of lawn (okay, not THAT expansive).  They ship you a box lined with real grass and after a week, you simply toss the used item and voila!  Another hit to yon Visa card and another miniature putting green appears courtesy of FedEx.
Well, SHEET I’m not spending that kind of coinage.  I love the dog but y’know we just learned she blew out her other knee.  The first one had to be replaced that the cost of a mere $5,500 last summer (knee replacement for a dog…) so we’re looking at another eight weeks of recovery after a yet another bigass hit to the savings.
And anyway, it’s, what?  A box with grass in it?  Hello, Lowe’s!  And the box?  Costco will let me have that for FREE.
First issue.  I’m native English.  “Um…hello?  Is this the nursery department?”
“Yep.  Lowe’s nursery.”
“Do…you…have grass…like…grown grass in stock?”
(I can’t do it.  I can’t ask for sod.  I just can’t.)
“You want grass seed?”
“No…no…um…do you have…you know…uh…sod.”
“Oh!  yeah.  We have lots of sod!  $6.59!”
So, having procured the simple ingredients, I lopped off half the grassy carpet and flung it on the rather scruffy expanse of garden, figuring after the rain I will chop that up and use it like hair plugs in our existing lawn.  I carefully eased the remainder into the box Costco so graciously provided. For. FREE.
That night, Noah sailed past.  So much for the drought, which is good, ’cause I don’t like conserving water.  I like loooooooong, hot showers.
After breakfast, I proudly introduced the dog to the box.  Lookie!  Litter box!  You can pee and we don’t hafta do the soaking dance!  Just…just pee!
She sniffed, then gazed out at the pouring rain.
C’mon, puppy.  It’s coming down in sheets.  There’s grass you can use.  Pleeeeease?  She stepped on the box.
Mmmm.  No, Mommy, this is NOT right.  I am NOT a cat.
She hops off and heads determinedly into the rain.  Oh, BUGGER.
I grab the umbrella and head after her as she wanders and dances, wanders and dances.  Oh, come ON just PEE.
Then, she spots it.  Beelines.  Oh, LUSH grass on my bottom!  She perches atop the excess grass carpet (my intended hair plugs) and whizzes up a storm.

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