Bedroom Issues in the Land of Dog

We’re having Bedroom Issues, Beloved and I.  Not the kind to which your dirty little minds immediately flit… but… the more troublesome Bed Insufficiency.

The animal lovers among us can relate.

May I present evidentiary piece #1.

CA2D83A3-47EB-4FC1-B08A-ABB6F89CE2D6The damn hound has made the center of (god,you know I just typed “her bed” instead of “our bed”??  THAT’S how bad it is) THE bed her domain.  Beloved and I are both convinced we have slivers of bed in which to sleep.

“I had NO covers last night!”

“HAH you think THAT’S bad, my ass was hanging over the edge all night!”

I take no responsibility in this mess.  We adopted yon dog in 2007 and agreed the pup would sleep in her crate – and the purpose of the hound was as a companion for The Boy, anyway.

Traveling as I do (100%, home most weekends), I got home to find a small pair of rather defiant eyes and ears peering out at me as I tried to climb into bed.

Excuse me… why isn’t Abby in her crate?

“You weren’t here.  She was crying.  I was alone.  We both felt better.”

But… but… we agreed…

“You weren’t here.”

MY side of the bed!!

Ever seen a hound blow a raspberry?  I swear to god, she managed a gleeful Bronx cheer, then shoved over to allow me a small strip of real estate.  That’s how it’s been for the past nearly 13 years, except with less glee.  Now it’s resentful entitlement when she has to shove up.

And now we wake up to this.

Yes, we’re discussing buying a bigger bed (how the hell do people with multiple big dogs manage?  We have one – ONE – smallish-medium dog who does a koi fish act and expands to her environment and we need a king size bed.  I wanna buy stock in the first manufacturer who cottons on to the idea there’s a real niche market for bigger-than-California-King beds for those with several large dogs.) Our problem, though, is the limitations in the bedroom.

Knock it off, people.  I can hear you chortling.  The limits involve size.

Oh, stop it!  We can’t…

Damn, I give up. I can’t write this without making it sound dirty.

We will need to remove a bookcase or a bedside table for a bigger bed.  There.

Damn dog.

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