Miss M had done another one of her overnights away from us – this time with the amazing puppy raiser who is going to keep her while we’re away on vacation. This woman and her mom are saints. Our beloved guide dog puppy is… challenging at the best of times.
Miss M loves these overnights it’s something different and she lives in the moment like nothing else. New things to see, learn and sniff and everyone loves her where ever she goes (or so she believes).
Equally MaeMae loves these away-nights too. She gets it in her furry little brain that she’s an only cat again and she becomes very lovey and cuddly.
The dog spied the cat, casually washing herself, apparently unaware of the arrival. Familial bliss caroused through the hound, finding more of her beloved family, and she… uh… went to greet the kitty. Like a heat seeking missile on steroids, twice as loud.
Dog: Home! Home! Home! MAEMAE HOME! Not seen you in forever!! I came back to you
Cat: Holy shit.
I don’t know how you’d react if something eight times your weight, four times your size, sporting enormous teeth in a jawline the length of your torso, slobbering at the sight of you, screaming your name came running at you at top speed, but I can tell you this…
I would need fresh pants.
The cat shot me a look of absolute furious betrayal and sprinted for the sofa.
Dog: Come out! I home! I say hello MaeMae
Cat: F***. Why? WHY??
Dog: Because it polite to say hello
Cat: No, ding dong. Why did they bring you back?
Dog: Why you ask that? I home
Cat: Unnnnngh. And the hell I’m coming out. I am not going to clean your (shudder) drool off my freshly groomed self for the next week.
Dog: But I kiss those I love. Mommy loves kisses
Cat: Just because that idiot can-opener doesn’t mind a sticky, slobbery face doesn’t mean I want to bathe in it. And that’s NOT a kiss. That’s abuse.
Dog: But I love you
Cat: … <<low growl>>
Dog: I looooooooooove yoooooooooou MaaaaaeMaaaaae
Dog: We play. I promise, no kisses if you no want kisses
Cat, understanding she cannot stay under the sofa forever, gingerly emerged. Miss M pounced.
Cat: GET. OFF. GET OFF GET OFF GET OFF GETOFFGETOFFGETOFF…
Dog, tongue cupping a pool of spittle you could bathe in: <<SSSCHLORP>>
Please note: my mom (Granny) requested I dig out my thesaurus and find words other than obscenities to describe situations. While my knowledge of cat-ish is limited, I can tell you no thesaurus in the world has substitutes for what MaeMae said next. Ergo, I leave it to your imagination.
Dog: Sorry. Forgot