Me: Exactly that! We’re puppy sitting! Hooray!!
Cat, furious: I thought we agreed, no more animals!
Me: Quite the contrary. After Miss M went to college, I offered a choice of rodents and you declined both. Not my problem.
Cat, coldly: Either a guinea pig a small human could saddle and ride or a horde of 30 pound rabbits that would make Monty Python fans cower in fear. That’s not a choice, that’s… that’s…
Beloved, helpfully: Unattractive options?
Cat, scowling: Exactly. And a puppy visitor is not an attractive option, either. I forbid it.
I blinked. “How’s that gonna work? I mean, enforcement will be difficult, you being eight pounds of feline ferocity I can scruff with one hand…”
Cat: You know how cuddly and lovey I’ve been for the past couple weeks?
Me: Yeah… when I’m not bleeding from touching you in the wrong place. The place, I might add, which changes on an hourly basis.
Cat, eyes narrowing to slits: You ain’t seen nothin’ yet.
I sighed. “Just don’t take it out on the puppy.”
Cat, looking affronted: when have I ever mistreated a non-human crea…
Beloved and I gaped. “How many gopher-y corpses do we find each month? And the lizards… that’s a bloodbath…”
Cat: Those don’t count. Ground squirrels are a pest and you cheer every time I rid us of one, and those leathery toys are hardly creatures. The batteries run out almost immediately and I have to flip them in the air myself to keep playing with them. It’s really annoying.
Me: Birds.
Cat, eyes gleaming: I am a surface to air missile.
Me: You’re a freaking pest is what you are. And you will behave around the puppy.
Cat, sulkily: I do not hurt the hounds. I place punishment for this injustice where it belongs.
Me: Honey, what time does the animal shelter open…?
So the seven month old golden/lab cross arrived Friday morning. Her puppy raiser, who had a crazy amount of kid activities for the weekend, dropped her off with her food (special diet, she has a sensitive tummy), meds in case she had a sensitive tummy event, crate and Halti.
Puppy’s mom: if you crate her during the day, don’t put anything in with her because she’ll shred it.
Me: okay, no problem!
Puppy’s mom also said she’s a very quiet dog. Great! Quiet is good!
She got here excited and ran around the house sniffing everything. Beloved and I followed but who can keep up with a 45 pound retriever?
Then from the kitchen, from said quiet dog, came a small howl of delight.
Puppy: oh my god it’s a breakfast bar I can’t believe it this place is fabul… nom nom nom…
Me: oh, sh😳t!! Cat food!!
We sprinted to the far end of the kitchen where yon dog was availing herself of the cat’s bowl of dry food, which we snatched away.
No problem. She moved down the bar to the bowl of canned food.
Me: GET THE WET FOOD! GET THE WET FOOD! Beloved: Oh my god her diet… Cat: WHAT THE … MY BREAKFAST!! DOG SLOBBERED!! Puppy: wait… wait… breakfast buffet… mine…
Me, smacking my forehead: well, that’s gonna be an exciting every two hours tonight as she gets the squitters from that fatty food.
Cat, scowling: Okay, it’s not YOUR breakfast that got slobbered. Can you at least lock her up?
The pupper went to Friday Fun with Beloved, which is where the guide dog puppies do an activity as a group – it’s great for socialization, learning and extra training.
She came home and passed out, so we figured we could have a couple hours of freedom to help out my mom (Granny) as she’s moving in with us.
We crated the dog – as per puppy mom’s instructions, nothing in the crate, but I did leave a towel on top of it. At this point, the dog spied MaeMae.
Puppy: what in the blazing heck is THAT doesn’t smell like a dog but not person small huh
MaeMae: Eat dirt and die. I’m a cat.
Puppy, shocked out of her mind: Holy bananas it talks
Cat, rolling her eyes: This is MY house, MY food, MY mommies… respect that I am ruler of all things and you must obey my every whim and we’ll get along.
Puppy: My puppy-raiser children have rulers, that’s cool I know all about how twelve inches is a foot
Cat, mildly exasperated: my foot is what you’re gonna feel if you don’t behave. Worship me, and live.
Puppy: Live what
Cat, making a rude gesture: I’m the top dog.
Puppy, confused: you no dog you said you a cat
Cat, making another rude gesture, exits the room.
…or at least that’s what I imagine transpired, as I returned to find this:
She and MaeMae aren’t really acquainted yet, as the cat runs rather than holding her ground. They sort of met in the back garden, before MaeMae realized what kind of a jumper this pup is. She levitates.
This is one lovely dog and we’re really enjoying her – and so far so good with her innards, she just piddled once last night. Bonus – she likes to cuddle in a way Miss M never did.
ExaminingMisadventures 
This post is quite humorous and entertaining! It’s always interesting to see the dynamics between cats and other animals in a household. The dialogue between the cat and the human is quite amusing, and the cat’s stubbornness and strong personality shine through. Thank you for sharing this fun read!
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Thank you! I think MaeMae would prefer a lot less interaction but I really enjoy the puppies.
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This was such a fun and entertaining read! Your dialogue between the cat, Beloved, and yourself was witty and amusing, and I loved the descriptions of your cat’s personality. It’s always a delight to read about the antics of our furry friends, and your post definitely put a smile on my face. Thanks for sharing your experiences and bringing some humor to my day!
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