The cat paused. “Well. Isn’t THAT special.”
I stared. “How the HELL do you know SNL’s Church Lady?! That was in the 1980s!”
MaeMae the cat just shot me side eye.
Puppy: no I mean REALLY special
Me: How d’you mean?
Puppy: Well I went to church today and I listened to Miss Julia talking to the children about Jesus being borned in a stable cause they didn’t have room and well I dropped outta my mommy because there wasn’t room and I don’t think I can do what Jesus did
The cat fell off the sofa.
Me: You… think you’re… like… Jesus?
The cat sputtered.
Puppy, looking anxious: Well, there was no room for him and there wasn’t room for me either so maybe I’m like you know special
MaeMae, recovering her composure, clawed her way up the sofa. I think I heard something about “special education” but I’m not certain. I let it slide and focused on the dog.
Me: Okay, sweetheart, not having room in the inn and your mom being pregnant with 13 puppies are two different things. I don’t think you need to worry that anyone expects you to be the next messiah.
MaeMae snorted.
Puppy: but there wasn’t room for me
Cat: your mother excelling at egg production does NOT equate to the Second Coming.
Puppy: I no understand
Me: your litter was 13 puppies. There wasn’t any room because you and your twelve brothers and sisters grew so big your mom gave birth to you in the vet’s parking lot. She was on her way to have an operation to get you all out because there were so many puppies. That’s too many for a mommy dog to try to birth.
Cat: not only that, it was NOT immaculate conception.
Puppy: what’s immacoochate con… con…
Me: never mind. Puppy, you’re really special, but you do not need to worry about being on the hook for leading billions of people in faith.
Puppy: but but there’s also…
Cat: oh god there’s more?
Puppy: you know what happens after
Me: After? Whaddo you mean, after?
Puppy: Miss Julia talked about what happens and who arrives and they’re in the box on the wall in our HOUSE…
Cat: I assure you, there is NOTHING alive in our house I don’t know about.
Puppy: yes there is they’re in the box and we see them and they just haven’t given me gifts yet
Me: Gifts? There’s something or someone in a box on the wall that’s going to give you gifts?
Puppy: Yes we watch them I know they’re coming but they don’t get here for a while they’re too busy playing games in the box but there’s a lot more than just three
Cat: You mean the Kings?!!
Beloved: that’s… ice… hockey…
Examining Misadventures 