Me: No, dammit, leave it alone!
The dog wants the bedroom door open. Not because she wants/needs access, but because she seems to like the security of knowing what’s going on.
I, on the other hand, am trying to be fiscally responsible.
This all started when Granny moved in. I am so, SO happy she chose to live with us, and we were insanely fortunate that we could remodel our lower floor (we have a tri-level) – she now has a sitting room, bathroom and bedroom, which take up that space. She’s got her privacy, but when she dropped a tray the other day, we came running to make sure she was okay. It’s the best of all possible worlds.
Beloved and I pivoted so my office moved upstairs. The boy has his bedroom and bath, and we of course have the master suite.
Granny is frequently cold. I hate being warm.
We had replaced our air conditioning unit in 2020, and while it’s good, but it’s no miracle worker. If you have even the most basic of physics knowledge… heat rises.
We went traveling last year and experienced mini-splits, those amazing little single-room air conditioners. The hell with cooling the entire damn house and freezing Granny out… let’s just install them upstairs!
Purchasing a mini-split system is relatively inexpensive, if you check Lowe’s or Home Depot.
Installing it is another matter entirely. We talked to three contractors and got similar quotes from each. Holy cow, it cost more than the whole-house system.
But it is worth it. It is far, far more efficient to just cool one or two rooms and leave Granny happy. Also, it means she can have her slider open enough for the cat to enter and exit without me getting totally cheesed off.
Whatevs.
The only problem is the dog.
Dog: Hello
Me: unnngh, you opened the door again!
Dog: yesh I could not see in from the bottom of the stairs I need to monitor
Me: Monitor what? And can’t you do that with the door closed?
Dog: Nope I need access and ability to hear to keep u safe
Me: I am perfectly safe. We are all safe. I have the door pushed to, not completely shut, so you can hear if something happens, not that it’s going to. But I want it pushed to so we can keep the cool air in.
Dog: air in here is cool what the problem
Me, attempting to remain patient: It won’t be if you leave the door open.
Dog: I no dummy that splitty thing pushes out cold air so it stay cold in here with door open or closed so door open
Me, stifling a frustrated scream: Yes, but it costs money to push out the cold air. The less pushing, the less expensive and the more money for dog treats.
Dog: treats a priority must have treats
Me: Indeed. So we keep the door closed, eh?
Dog: no sorry I need access
Me: sooooo… fewer dog treats.
Dog, eyes narrowing: you threatening me that not nice I need my treats
Cat, yawning: god, you’re no Einstein, are you?
Dog, insistent: need my dog treats
Cat: basic microeconomics is beyond you, isn’t it?
Dog: treats aren’t except when Mommy puts them on the high shelf that isn’t cool
Ahhh… but the house is…
Examining Misadventures 