The dog looked puzzled. We are, once again, puppy sitting, except this retriever is no puppy. She’s full grown, a breeder dog, and in heat. She is a lovely, lovely dog – she’s so laid back she’s horizontal (literally, most of the time).
She lives quite a bit south, and to breed her she needs to be at the GDA facility, which is an unmanageable distance for a booty call.
They’re epoxying the outside of the kennels, so space is at a premium for keeping the dogs, so we were asked if we’d be willing to house her while they go through this process.
Sure! Likely two weeks before she could go home because they need to keep an eye on her, and she needs to be done with the heat before she can go home.
So she arrived at our house and settled in nicely. MaeMae the cat, who loathes the idea her house is invaded at regular intervals by different canines, is able to suss out whether the dog poses a threat to her or not and responds accordingly.
With this dog, she seems to think the threat level is low, so she’s coming out into the living room while the dog is around – and she’s largely ignored. This pupper is wonderful around cats.
Dog: I don’t know what that thing is but it’s hissing at me. I didn’t think squirrels could hiss so maybe it’s not a squirrel… but I don’t think snakes have fur…
Cat: oh for godssake…
Dog: maybe if I just pretend it’s not here it will leave me alone…
Cat: it’d be easier to leave you alone if you left…
Me: y’know, MaeMae, you are not a very welcoming host.
Cat: I’m NOT the host. Being a host implies you want someone to visit. YOU are the idiot who suggested this asinine situation. I mean, seriously… you want this thing to multiply?
Dog: I’ve never been so good at math can I do addition instead
Cat, rolling her eyes: Sure. Tell you what. Add yourself to the car. Then maybe they’ll drive you home.
Dog: Home I would like to go home but they said I have to wait until my hots are over
Cat, sighing: Seriously… I bet you can go home now.
So during her time here, the dog has been incredibly respectful of the cat. I wish I could say the same of the reverse, but it’s not in MaeMae’s nature to respect anyone.
And we waited. We got into a routine of mealtimes and getting busy and she followed Beloved around everywhere. She quite liked me, but Beloved made her heart sing while she was missing her family.
Then, as she was getting ready to leave, the cat jumped up.
MaeMae: I was no where NEAR you!
Dog, confused: what you talking about
Cat: how DARE you accuse me of stepping on you?! I can step on you if I want, but I did not.
Me: what are you two caterwauling about?
Cat: First, that is an insulting slur against the feline community. Second, I did not step on the damn dog!
Then we heard it.
Faint, but it was there.
GET OFF ME YOU BUTTHEAD
Beloved: Um… what was that?
The dog, the cat and I all looked around. Nothing.
I DON’T EVEN HAVE A BUTT YET AND I AM TELLING MOM YOU USED A BAD WORD As soon as… as soon as…
The cat narrowed her eyes.
Me: Okay, I’m not talking. You guys aren’t talking. Who’s tal…
The cat screamed.
The dog jumped a yard, scrambled to her feet and backed away looking slightly horrified.
Dog: we have ghosts here I do not like the idea of ghosts I would like to go home now
Cat, incredulous: GHOSTS? Whaddo you mean GHOSTS?
Me: sweet pea, there’s no such thing.
Dog: nobody said anything but we all heard that what else could it be
The cat rolled her eyes, stalked over to the dog, drew out a single claw and poked our houseguest in the tum.
Dog’s tummy: ow stopitstopitstopit get off I’m not on you that’s my spot where’s the wall what was that
Cat, scowling: God almighty. How many are IN there??
Dog: what you talking about what in where and who said that
Me, gobsmacked: They’re… talking… already?? They don’t… they’re… zygotes, they’re not even embryos…
Dog: what talking I not talking
Cat: Not you, dumdum. The puppies.
Dog: You calling me dum but you seeing things there’s no puppies here
The cat rolled her eyes and looked at me.
Hoo, boy. How do I explain this one?
Examining Misadventures 