A couple of days after the expectant mama dog went home, we had a pupper come back to visit. He’s a lovely dog, very gentle, and treats Granny with great care, which endears him to all of us. Except perhaps one member of the household.
We’ve known this puppy since he was a baby, and since he’s stayed a few times, he’s comfortable here.
MaeMae (the cat): how big is that monster gonna get?!!
Me: He has grown a bit, hasn’t he?
Dog: Hello I’m back
MaeMae: Still drunk?
Dog: um… you remember my name is Pickles not Pickled right
Cat: whatever.
Regardless of how gentle he is, like any year old dog, he’s all in for playing. However, with the increase in his size, he unnerved the cat.
The cat’s no where near as mellow as she was with the visiting maybe mama but she’s also not absent from all contact, either. She bopped him on the nose a couple of times, and kept her distance – she’d come in the bedroom at night, but she’d wait until he was crated.
He wasn’t all that fond of the crate, but bless him, he put up with it.
So earlier this summer, I got suckered into something worse than a vacation timeshare.
While placing an order with Amazon (yes, I know we’re supposed to be boycotting them, but there are times when it’s just necessary…) they sneaked in a promotional offer for cat treats, $3 off a $6.99 box.
I’m an idiot.
Now MaeMae demands one of these things Every. Damn. Day.
They’re called “Purrrée” and they’re (as Pickles’ mommy called them) GoGurt for cats. It’s a small tube of what is cream flavored with salmon, chicken or tuna.
The box advertises you can feed the cat from the tube, with the delighted feline sitting on you, purring blissfully as s/he sweetly laps the cream from the stick. Alternatively, it declares, you could squeeze the cream onto a dish, or delight your precious puffball by using as a topping on their dinner.
I seriously do not know what they put in that shit, but dear god. Don’t be thinking you’ll be giving the cat a little dish of eau-de-stockyard.
The licky sticky is not an optimal system, but once you open that package…
The cat has you in a headlock as soon as you rip the little top off. Sweetly lapping it up? She hasn’t succeeded in actually eating part of the tube, but not for want of trying.
Inevitably, some winds up on your clothes. The cat gets especially impatient when you have squeeze the remnants from the bottom of the stick.
So… one evening it was just me at home with our furry visitor and a strung out feline.
Cat: Gimme my sticky! GIMME MY STICKY!! GIMMEMYSTICKY!!!
Dog: why am I in the crate so early and what is she talking about
Me: You can come out in a few minutes, honey. I just need to deal with MaeMae.
Cat, attempting to jump on my head: STICKYSTICKYSTICKYSTICKY
Dog: she talks about me drinking too much how much catnip did she do
Cat looking up from scaling my carcass: Excuse me. Catnip is an all-natural product and legal to consume. And I haven’t had any lately. STICKY!!
Dog, muttering: coulda fooled me what’s this sticky thing?
I opened the package, and the cat lost her mind. Scccclllllarrrrp, sluuuuurrrrrrp, om nom nom…
The odor took a second to get to the dog.
A whimper came from the direction of the crate.
Cat: oh my GOD this is tasty
Dog: um… could I…
Cat: I. Am. In. HEAVEN. Yom nom nom…
Dog: I don’t suppose
Cat: Pardon me as I lick your fingers
Dog: please
I do not know how the cat is able to raise one digit, but she’s got many special talents of which we are mercifully unaware. Continuing to lick the tube with the ferocity of a two year old sampling ice cream for the first time, she raised one paw with a single middle claw extended.
The dog howled. The cat rose from her sitting position, raised her tail, shifted slightly and afforded him a full view of her… well… bottom. All while continuing to mop up the creamy deliciousness.
MAN, that dog can BARK.
Tragically, as a guide dog puppy in training, he isn’t allowed any non-approved food or treats. No sticky for you, my friend.
Examining Misadventures 