We just got back from a 10 day vacation… MaeMae the cat was her usual pissed off self, despite Blondie (our daughter) and her husband’s presence for most of the time.
Me: hi honey we’re home!
Cat: about fckin’ time!
Me: …aaaand nice to see you too.
The following day, it is uncharacteristically pouring rain.
Cat: Damn, not only do you abandon me for ten months, you come back with this sh🤨tty weather.
Me: Not. My. Fault. And ten days, not ten months, you overdramatic feline.
Cat: okay, you can change the temperature, the lights… why aren’t you switching this crap off?
Me: INSIDE! I can change the environment INSIDE.
Cat: Excuses, excuses.
She started clawing the sofa (AARGH), which she does when she’s bored or wants attention.
Beloved took pity on her and offered to play, and it occurred to me we’d purchased a “Kicker” from a vendor at a street fair. It’s a long (7” maybe) fabric tube filled with catnip and silvervine.
She’s already got one but it’s disgusting from being chewed on and is only 5” or so. The stoned cat clutches the tube and kicks the hell out of it.
Me, using my kitty voice: you wanna kicky? We got you a kicky!
MaeMae: YES get it for me!!
She bounds up the stairs beside me as I head up to the suitcase, and she leaps on the bed.
I grab it and head down with her hot on my heels and I toss it on the floor.
Cat: da f😝ck is this?
Me: you really have a potty mouth today.
Cat: no seriously what is this? A joke?
I suddenly fall in. “Kicky” rhymes with…
Cat, furious: WHERE’S MY STICKY?!!
Examining Misadventures 