Bitter? Me?

The best ice pack, if anyone is interested, is made from a 1-1 mix of water and rotgut vodka.

The internet will tell you to use a 2-1 mix of water to rubbing alcohol, but inevitably the bags leak (thank you, MaeMae and your razor claws) and if it leaks while you sleep, it’s a wretched stink.

The vodka prevents the water from freezing into a solid block, so it’s delightfully slushy and conforms to, say, your knee. And the smell is minimal, if any.

However, you do need to hide the bottle to avoid having people believe you have the most appalling taste in liquor.

Also, I advise everyone to avoid allowing Nylabones (those super-smooth, rock solid nylon chew bones for dogs) to lie on tile floors, especially in front of, say, the fridge.

And while we’re on the topic of product endorsements, arnica cream is usually great for bruises. It is, however, of diminished efficacy in the face of two full body face plants in the space of a week when landing on the same knee.

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