I raise my head off the pillow and looked over at Beloved. “It’s 38° out there,” I said, “I really don’t wanna go outside.”
“I don’t.” she said.
“I don’t go outside. I open the door and let her out.”
“Excuse me,” I said “What do you mean? We have to take her out on leash.”
“Not every time,” she said. “At night I open the back door and she runs out, goes on the lawn and runs back inside. I only do it at night. During the day I put her on a leash and take her to where she supposed to pee.’
I looked at her sideways. “That’s cheating!”
“No, that’s sensible. It’s damn cold.”
Well, hell, I’m gonna give it a try… so I climbed out of bed, let the dog out of her crate, went downstairs, opened the slider… and the dog sat and looked at me.
Dog: you forgot something
Me: No I didn’t.
Dog: Yeah! You forgot my leash
Me: No. You go outside pee on the grass and come back in.
The dog cut me a side eye. Um… no. I hafta go out, you go too.
Me: No. You just go on the lawn like you do with other mommy.
Dog: that’s not the way this works. You take me out.
Well, now we’re going to do it like other mommy does.
Dog: Hey, why you shoving me up my backside?
Through gritted teeth as an artic blast shot through the open door: Just go!
The dog resisted.
Come on, go! and I helped her a
She reluctantly went outside in the screaming cold and wind.
Dog: It’s cold out here!
I crack the door open and loudly say “just get busy!”
“No!” said the dog. “It’s cold and you have to be here too!”
No I don’t!
Yes you do!
Apply palm to forehead at rapid speed.
She skulked in, scowled, and waited for me to clip on her leash… which I did.
Unnngh. GOD that was cold.
She didn’t wait to go to the designated piddle spot – as soon as I closed the door behind me, she peed.
Dog: man, I had to GO.