Tag: pet humor

The cat stared, wide eyed and in shock.

Cat: what the f😳ck is THAT?!! Me:  what does it look like? Dog, pacing in her crate upstairs to the extent it will allow: I can’t see I can’t see Cat:  you did NOT.  Dog: What? WHAT The 11 week old golden retriever shifted a little in my arms, unaccustomed to this new place.  Our little visitor… … Continue reading The cat stared, wide eyed and in shock. →

“What on earth is the matter with the dog?” my mother asked, concerned.

I leaned over her, a bit worried. I looked over at the dog, now flat on her belly with her paws over her nose. She wasn’t scratching at the Halti (the halter which covers the bridge of her nose and encourages good behavior - if she jumps or makes a hard turn, it pinches a … Continue reading “What on earth is the matter with the dog?” my mother asked, concerned. →

The puppy is preparing for the wrong profession.

Yes, she’ll probably make a terrific service dog, but seriously, there’s something else to which she would be far more suited. My baby should be in pictures. This girl is more dramatic than Sarah Bernhardt. The performance she gave in front of the neighbor’s house while wearing her Halti was of Oscar caliber. She’s spent … Continue reading The puppy is preparing for the wrong profession. →

My father haunts us by lowering the level crossing gates.

He used to get so frustrated as my aunt lives just beyond a busy rail line into London, and it seemed every time he wanted to drive across… dingdingding, red lights flashing and Daddy would curse like a sailor. “Bloody British Rail!” he’d roar as he skidded to a stop. So now, whenever we get … Continue reading My father haunts us by lowering the level crossing gates. →

Can I have two aspirin? Moaned the dog, And a heating pad?

Me: Puppy? What’s wrong? Dog: I feel like hell. We’d noticed the dog was not her usual self on Sunday - she was flat out and kinda mopey. I’d thought it was because she’d had an awesome play date Saturday with another dog, but no… Cat, as usual going from calm to hysterical in seconds: … Continue reading Can I have two aspirin? Moaned the dog, And a heating pad? →

The dog sprinted out of the kitchen like a marine under fire: furtive, low to the ground and moving at high speed.

Unfortunately, she did this just as I rounded the corner and catapulted away from me as we collided. Skidding, she regained her balance, shot under the table, grabbed something in her mouth and galloped to her bed in the corner. What the hell? So when I give her a “peanut butter ball-y” (a Kong filled … Continue reading The dog sprinted out of the kitchen like a marine under fire: furtive, low to the ground and moving at high speed. →

I did not do it said the dog, looking worried.

Didn’t do what? I said. Cat: she’s worried you think she did it. Me: what is this supposed transgression? Cat: I don’t actually know. Dog: not me not me Cat, looking outside the window: holy crap! The cat looks shaken. I’m puzzled, but I’m still getting dressed. This body is not one that will be … Continue reading I did not do it said the dog, looking worried. →

I need to tell you something, I said.

Blondie:  What?  I’m kind of working here.  Why aren’t you on your way home? Me:  We were… I mean, we are.  We’ve loved spending the past few days with you and BB (Blondie's Beau), but I need to tell you what I sprung on him at the last minute. Blondie:  Oh, god. Let me back … Continue reading I need to tell you something, I said. →

Fire! Screamed the dog. The building’s on fire!!

No, it’s not, I said. Yes it is, shouted the hound. We gotta get OUT of here!! Puppy… we’re in church. It’s Easter. That’s incense, not smoke, and while I agree it’s smelly, nothing’s going to hurt us. She was still uncomfortable with the idea so halfway through the first hymn we exited the building. … Continue reading Fire! Screamed the dog. The building’s on fire!! →